


i don't want to let you go (but i have to)

by Jenfly



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance, Separation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 12:33:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10163141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenfly/pseuds/Jenfly
Summary: Maybe it is not going to be forever, but right now, it feels like it is.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I rarely write angst ('cause it's not my strongest genre), but this time I just could not resist. Robron's goodbye scene really broke my heart, and basically this is just my take on that scene, only told from Robert's PoV. 
> 
> This work's been beta'd by a friend. :)

Robert brings his hands to Aaron's waist and pulls him in, the need to be close to his husband overwhelming him. It feels like every part of his body is slowly starting to crack, the pain in his chest growing with each passing second, but he cannot spend the last minutes without touching Aaron. He needs him, more than ever at this moment. Every single cell in his body is screaming for Aaron, wants to have everything before it is too late.

”Don't attempt to break me out.”

He lets out a huff as his chest tightens at the words. It hurts – knowing that this all will be ripped from him so soon. They should not be doing this, saying goodbye. Not now.

_(It is too much, too painful, too soon.)_

He rests his forehead against Aaron's own and tries to keep his emotions in control. It is hard, but he fights against them. He can not break down yet. He needs to be strong for a while, for Aaron. 

”I love you.”

”I love you,” Aaron whispers back and it breaks him a little bit more. 

Their lips meet in a kiss, and everything transcends to a new level. His heart squeezes tightly, eyes burning with unshed tears as his whole world slowly crumbles, and he cannot let go.

_(The feeling of happiness when they kissed in the middle of the pub a day ago is like a distant memory.)_

He takes everything in, the pain, the softness of Aaron's lips, the roughness of his beard, the reluctance to part, their love that will keep him going after their separation.

A moment later he pulls away, presses a quick kiss on Aaron's neck. He wraps his arms properly around him and buries his face into his husband's shoulder. He holds him tight, does not want to let go, wishes he will never have to do so.

_(He just wants to feel whole for a little while.)_

The tears threaten to come, but he does not allow them to fall. He feels so small and vulnerable, like glass that can shatter at any time. One by one the puzzle pieces disappear, spread out into the wilderness, waiting to be reunited again.

The door opens and Chas says it is time. His heart sinks, his whole body fighting against the inevitable. And as much as it hurts, he finally lets Aaron go and takes a step back. Aaron wipes away the tears while saying something he barely registers, and he wants nothing more than to reach out and take his husband back in his arms.

”Bye then, Mr. Dingle,” Aaron says and he smiles, feeling a tiny wave of warmth coursing through his chest.

”Bye, Mr. Sugden.” 

Aaron flashes a smile, and waits, looks like he still wants to say something, but stays quiet. Robert understands, the need to say something but not knowing how or what. Then Aaron walks past him and he turns to see Chas giving him a look before she closes the door.

Slowly, it sinks in. His other half has been torn away from him, leaving him with an indescribable ache and emptiness inside.

Maybe it is not going to be forever, but right now, it feels like it is.

~ ~ ~

That night he curls up to Aaron's side of the bed and clutches Aaron's pillow in his hands, inhaling the familiar scent. It is not enough, it does not fill the hole in his heart, but it still offers him some comfort. He knows it will not last, the scent will eventually fade, but he desperately needs something he can hold onto and it is the only way he can feel as if Aaron is with him.

Maybe that way he will be able to cope.

_(Except he will not._

_He is surrounded by silence, already broken._

_Alone.)_

 

A few lonely tears escape from behind his closed eyelids, as he eventually drifts into a restless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think. :)
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://silverrobron.tumblr.com/), if you want to come to say hi. :D


End file.
